


I Am Still Here

by momo0231



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Do you ever just write something when you're tired, Drabble, F/M, Stan Pines is actually a lonely old man, and it hurts me on the inside, that's so angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2018-04-03 06:48:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4091050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momo0231/pseuds/momo0231
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stan Pines reflects about his life one day, specifically about a woman who entered his life and left in a flurry of colors and flowers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Am Still Here

**Author's Note:**

> Starla will be the death of me one day.
> 
> The inspiration for this fic was Feel Me by Mecca Kalani (which is also where the title comes from).

Some days, it was easy to forget that he had even been in love. Business at the Mystery Shack was booming, he was ~~taking care of~~ babysitting a young boy and he was _busy_.

Other days he was painfully aware of just how alone he was. When Soos was gone for the day and the only person in the Shack was himself and the memories of so many people that had been in his life and just… Weren’t anymore.

It was during these days that he wondered where she was and what she was doing.

Was she married? Did she have kids? Was she happy?

These questions always left a dull ache in his chest that he thought would go away in time.

He thought a lot of things would go away in time.

Stan sighed, rubbing his eyes as he went outside. Fresh air would do him good, ignore the patch of flowers over there and he’d be _fine_.

 

_“Why do you like flowers so much?” Stan had asked her once during lunch where they had sneaked out of the cafeteria to eat outside._

_She put one of them in Stan’s ear, giggling when he turned a soft red._

_“Because who doesn’t like flowers? Besides, they make my hair look nice.” She told him as she picked a flower from the nearby bush._

_A teacher found them soon afterwards and they both got a detention._

 

It was stupid, but a part of him always thought they were going to be together. Stan claimed that he didn’t go back to Jersey because he was wanted there (partially true). He couldn’t go back because the memories would be too much.

He sat down on the couch, running a hand through his hair.

Once one memory shoved its way through, he couldn’t stop the rest of them. He wished Soos was here, wished anyone was here to distract him.

 

_“What are you scared of?” Carla’s voice was rising and the small piece of Stan that was unwilling to let go of this was shrinking back._

_“Why are you pushing this?” Stan shot back, trying to keep his voice level but he was failing._

_Carla threw one of her arms in the air. “Because you haven’t been acting like yourself! If there’s something wrong, I need to know so that I can help you, you dumb jerk!” She let her hand drop before jabbing her finger in his chest. “Because that’s what relationships are, Stan Pines. Communication.”_

_She turned on her heel, looking like she was about to leave but Stan couldn’t let her do that. “Wait, Carla!” He caught up with her, but when he was put on the spot he felt the fear come back. He hesitated, running a hand through his hair and was messing up the gel but he didn’t care. “I’m scared of you leaving. I’m scared of you realizing that I’m not worth your time, because I’m not.” He mumbled, not looking at her. Despite his new found physique, he was still the same insecure boy who she had met at the movie theater when they were kids. He was scared of being_ alone _when he felt so whole when he was around her._

_Carla’s eyes softened and she put a hand on his cheek. “Oh, baby. I couldn’t leave you if I tried.” She pressed a kiss to his lips, and was happy to see that it caused him to smile._

 

Stan wondered how he could have made things different. Maybe he shouldn’t have driven Thistle’s car into the ravine. Maybe he shouldn’t have opened himself so fully to her. Would these small things really have changed anything though?

A part of him sometimes liked to entertain the thought of what would have happened if they had stayed together. Maybe they would have gotten married, have a couple of kids, grow old together.

He certainly wouldn’t be sitting on this couch in the middle of the forest in some sleepy town trying to keep up a business of conning people for money.

He would have been _happy_.

Stan felt his eyes burning, but refused to let anything fall past his eyes. He needed to do something; he needed to keep himself occupied. He couldn’t sit here and wallow in self-pity and what ifs.

He should go into town, do something, chat with the locals, and maybe visit Soos at his grandmother’s house. Who knows, the day was still young.

He didn’t move.


End file.
